The Walls
by hmbcottrell
Summary: Destiel. Ignores season 7 after the first few episodes. Sam convinces Dean to go back to the mental hospital for Cas, but are they too late?


This is my first Supernatural fic

Prompt from a friend said that it had to be Destiel and that Cas had to be in the clutches of "some evil bad chick and the others have to save him from the bitch." So yeah, this is what I came up with on the spot.

-Ignores all but the first episodes of season 7-

Pairing: Destiel (that means Dean x Cas, boy x boy! This will be your only warning!)

Rating: M for language

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Though it would be fun to play with them if I did. :D

"Dean, we have to go back."

Dean paused, bag still in the air waiting to be loaded into the trunk of the Impala. He glared up at is blood soaked younger brother. They had literally just finished a job. Some ghouls had been chomping on corpses in some backwater town in Georgia. Dean hated ghouls. Dean hated Georgia and its overpopulation of mosquitos. And Dean hated this conversation.

"Don't know what you're talking about Sammy," he said with a pointed look. 'Drop it' his eyes said. Dean threw the last bag into the back of his baby with more force than necessary. He grabbed a cloth to wipe off the blood, grime, and God knows whatever else he was covered in before slamming the trunk shut.

"Look Dean, I know what he did. I know better than you do. But still, we can't just-"

Dean spun to face Sam, eyes blazing and body quaking with rage. "So what then? We just waltz right in there and pretend like everything is fine? Spout some all is forgiven bullshit and hold hands and sing kumbaya!"

Sam seemed very interested in a rock by his foot. He knew bring this up was a bad idea. But not one to give up on something he deemed important, Sam continued his attempts at reason. "No, of course not, but-" he started only to be interrupted again.

"Have you forgotten what he's done? He lied to us!"

"I know," Sam responded quietly in resignation.

"He betrayed us!" Dean carried on, not hearing his brother.

"I know."

"He opened purgatory and let out the leviathan!"

"I know!" Frustration was the more prodominate emotion now.

"He broke down your wall Sammy!"

"Damn it Dean! I fucking know!" The brothers glared at each other over top the Impala.

"You know what he did to you, and you still want to go get the bastard!" Dean yelled in exacerbation.

"Dean," Sam started. Anger draining out of his voice and posture, he slouched forward and braced his arms on the car. With a sigh he started again, "We have to."

"No! Let him rot in that asylum. It's what he deserves." Anger and hurt colored Dean's voice. He threw the rag at Sam aiming for his face, of course the bitch caught it, and slid into the drivers' seat, signifying that the conversation was over.

Sam climbed into his seat on the passengers' side and started cleaning his face, but not before saying, "We are going to get Cas."

Dean froze with his hand on the keys in the ignition. Sam had never used that name before, **His **name. No matter how many times they had this conversation Sam still recognized that it was taboo to mention **Him** by name anywhere around Dean.

That name was like a blow to his chest. All those cursed damn _feelings_ that he kept locked behind a wall on anger burst out with a simple three letter word. Disappointment, rage, betrayal, hurt, _guilt_. They started chipping away at him from the inside out, taking large pieces of his soul to feed their growth until they consumed him. A soul the **He** had once cradled tenderly in his hand.

He looked up to Sam's cloth covered face. "Why?" his voice came out strangled.

Sam took a moment to lower the rag from his now clean face. He looked Dean in the eyes, absentmindedly scrubbing his hands. "It has been over a month Dean," he said slowly, preparing Dean for his next words. "Cas may be an angel but he is cut off from Heaven. He was confused, newly resurrected, and guilt ridden when he took on my burden. Not the best mental state to start with." Sam put his cleaned hand on Dean's shoulder to garner further impact for what he said next. "It has been nearly a month and a half…and I couldn't last a week."

Point made, Sam removed his hand from his brother's arm, tossed the soiled rag into the back, and settled down in his seat, eyes staring out the front windshield. It was Dean's move now. After a long moment, he heard a sigh from his left followed by the engine roaring to life.

Sam smiled ever so slightly.

-Page Break-

"Come now darling, you have to eat," a sickly sweet voice said. Cas didn't need to look up to know it was Meg.

Not like there was anyone else it could be.

His brothers and sister, his family, would kill him if they ever found out where he was. One side because he had killed their leader, Rafael, and the other side was not too keen on his disappearing act when things got tough.

As for friends, well, to say he had burned those bridges would be an understatement.

No, he would not be receiving any visitors aside from his demonic doctor for some time to come, maybe forever.

_They don't want you. _Came the whispers from the walls.

Castiel's eye gave a minor twitch. That was the only reaction he would allow himself. His first week here, he had screamed at the walls, at the voices, till his own voice gave out.

_Look at you. A broken angel who betrayed them. _

This was his own version of hell. Sam's had been having Lucifer in his head, reminiscent of the time when he said yes. Castiel's was having his mistakes thrown in his face again, and again, and again. A maddening cycle that never ended.

And what was worse, he knew how to stop it. All he had to do was summon the mental strength and will to silence the voices and purge this virus from his consciousness. As an angel, he could do this with so little effort it was laughable, except, he couldn't. He was vulnerable when he took on Sam's burden, his mental facilities strained from his recently recovered memories. Memories of how he had messed up, how he had hurt his friends.

_Weak! Useless angel!_

Somewhere, in the back of Castiel's mind, he knew he deserved this.

"All you gotta' do is open the pretty little mouth of yours!" Meg's voice once again pierced his awareness. Sometime during his distraction, she had climbed into his lap and was now holding a spoon to his lips. "How do you expect to grow up big and strong if you don't eat your applesauce?"

Castiel briefly debated informing her that as weakened as he was, he was still a heavenly being and therefore did not require human necessities such as food and sleep. This consideration was discarded a moment later. He had not spoken since that horrific first week, why start now?

Her efforts gartering no reaction, she returned the spoon to the tray of food lying on the bed beside him. She shifted her body closer to his, pressing them flush together.

"Perhaps you are hungry for something else big boy?" Her grin was as devilish as her nature and her normally sultry voice grew husky on the words.

Again, Castiel didn't react.

She had tried this before several times as well. Doing everything she could to entice him. Anyone else as broken as he was would have given in just to escape this torture for a few moments within another. Castiel was under no illusions, it hasn't his strength that kept him from giving in to what she was so willingly offering, it was his fear. His fear of what **He** would think.

_You're disgusting! Why would they want you! Why would __**He**__ EVER want you!_

A small choked whimper broke through Castiel's silence.

Meg, knowing she was getting nowhere, took the food try and left, locking the door behind her.

Castiel finally looked up from his staring match with the floor to the door. He could just hear the faint echo of Meg's heals on the linoleum floor. Panic gripped him. He wanted to race to the door, to call out, to beg Meg to return, but he couldn't. The fear froze his muscles to the bed and his voice in his throat.

The last thing he wanted to be was alone. When Meg was here, he had something to focus his mind on, to tell him what was real. When he was alone, that is when he lost his grip on sanity.

_You let the leviathan out! You hurt the people you promised to protect! You betrayed me!_

The walls took one Dean's voice when he was alone.

_You are going to rot in this place. No one is coming to save you Castiel. No one cares about you after what you did._

The walls around him started to shift and take form. 'No,' Castiel begged in his mind, 'Please, no.' But it was useless as it always was. Dirty blond hair, ripped and stained jeans, worn leather jacket, his hell was here. And his hell knew all of his thoughts, doubts, and secrets.

_Why would I ever want you? You are a pathetic little angel who got in way over his head. I tried to warn you, I really did, but you wouldn't listen! Now I see that I shouldn't have even tried! I should have just killed you when I had the chance! Why did I ever try to save you? You are worthless. Worthless! _

The venom laced words spoken from the mouth of his most precious person poisoned Castiel's heart. Eating away at him from the inside out.

_You disgust me Cas._

The last bit of Castiel's hope broke with the use of his treasured nickname, and so to with it, broke Castiel.

-Page Break-

authors note: i was almost in tears writting this! Cas i'm so sorry!


End file.
